The Life and Times of ToraChan
by evil genus
Summary: One-Shot! I think the title says it all. It is dedicated to all the psycho cats in the world...


**AN: So this is dedicated to my cat and all the cat owners in the world. If you have ever owned a cat you will see the truth in this, plus in the Naruto world… you never know. So in honor of my psychotic cat 'Purple Booborella Ashtray' which is the name my weird brother and his roomate gave her, who I refer to as Boo, and way too many people refer to as Boobie…I give you this crack fic**…

**AN: I have edited and updated this in honor of Boo who has died! She fell from my balcony one night (I really hope it wasn't suicide). And this will be forever and ever my dedication to her. For Tora and Boo, who could have been twins.**

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Prologue…

The girl was asleep again, slinking low to the ground a body moved with quiet precision. Getting closer, the body wiggled and then pounced. Digging claws into an exposed arm it took a small nip.

"TORA!" the girl screamed as she sat up, turning to glare at the black cat sitting on the other side of the room.

Tora stared wide eyed and innocent as the girl started muttering under her breath. _Sheesh, you would think the girl would be used to this by now. _Lifting a paw to lick it clean of the little bit of drawn blood, _besides I want to eat earlier, we are going to that fun village today!_

**The Life and Times of Tora-Chan**

Keeping one eye on the girl, as she seemed very upset this morning, Tora nibbled at the plate of food placed before her. It wasn't one of her favorite foods, so she occasionally pushed some off the plate making a slight mess. Hearing slight grumbling that included her name, Tora looked up. Yep, the girl who was responsible for feeding her was complaining about the love bite from this morning.

_How dare she… that was a sign of my love! _Narrowing her eyes slightly, she took a huge bite, walked to the side, and threw it back up. Turning she returned to her meal. _That'll teach her for not appreciating my love._

As she heard the girl cleaning up her mess, a small tinkle of laughter caught Tora's ears. Looking up she saw her pet, Madame Shinji. The big woman who she adored was watching the drama unfold with a twinkle in her eye. Seeing Tora looking at her, she winked before turning to talk to her mate, the Fire Lord.

This was why Tora liked her pet Madame Shinji. She understood Tora, and they always had such fun.

"Don't worry my dear, Tora-chan and I will take care of everything while in the village. We always manage don't we, my Tora-chan?"

Finished eating, Tora slunk her way over to her pet, and crawled into her warm lap. Stretching up to place her two front paws on her shoulders, Tora snuggled her face for just a moment. Just as her pet was about to pet her back, she turned away to leave. _No, not now, I need to deal with the girl. In the carriage later you can pet me._

With that Tora went to teach the girl a lesson, No one spurned Tora's love!

**{Boo}**

"Are you okay dear?"

At the sound of her pet's voice, Tora raised her head from her paws to see what was going on. She saw the girl wincing slightly from the scratches on her arm.

"It's alright my lady, Tora was just very excited this morning," the girl said, touching one of the scratches again.

Upon realizing the conversation was about her, Tora got up and moved to the other side of the carriage. With a mighty leap she was on the bench seat next to her pet. Meowing slightly she moved into the lap, and after a few turns, settled down, her tail flickering lightly. Letting out a soft purr, her pet got the hint and started stroking her fur.

"Yes, Tora-chan is always so excited on days we go to Konohagakure no Sato. She does so love the place, and especially the young ninja."

A soft laugh could be heard throughout the carriage. Oh yes, Tora loved to play with the ninja, especially the newbie's.

Purring slightly to the wonderful petting she was receiving, Tora allowed herself to take a small cat nap. After all it took a long time to get to the village, and they would be there for days. She needed to be rested.

**{Boo}**

"My Tora-chan," a soft voice crooned. "Wakie wakie, we will be arriving in an hour."

Slowly opening a single eye, Tora looked up at her pet. The position she was in was too comfortable to move from. She felt lazy and warm, before the words made sense to her. Jumping skittishly from her pet's lap, _no way would I let her think I enjoyed that spot, she might think she is worth more than she is._

Lifting her head, she took a slight sniff, and then with a growl, pounced on the small bowl of dried food placed on the floor of the carriage for her. After eating her fill, she turned to look up at her pet, who was smiling softly.

"Is Tora-chan full? Would she like to hear about the new genin teams? Three more teams just graduated some months ago, and they are ready to play with Tora-chan, yes they are."

Preening, Tora sat forward eager to hear about the new toys the village had for her. She so loved those toys as they were great to play 'Catch me if you can' with, much better than the guards at the palace. Some even went so far as to use traps, weapons and other animals to find her. But they never caught her till she was ready. _Well, expect that team a few years ago, but they were exceptional. _

"So is Tora-chan ready to hear about them? I have files here," waving some folders, "Perhaps Tora-chan will come up to see them?"

Turning her head to the side, Tora struck the pose of arrogance. _No, you must beg me to join you more, this Tora does not kowtow to others; they kowtow to her._

"Ah my Tora-chan is not ready to join, and such a shame such wonderful new teams were created, did you know Yoshi, that one of teams is a tracking team?" seeing Tora's slight waver, Madame Shinji continued. "Another is a recreation of the famous Ino-Shika-Chou team from so long ago. The last is a most clever team being run by young Kakashi-kun."

Suddenly Tora was in her pet's lap, scratching at the folders. It was just too interesting….

A small tinkle of laughter and the first file was opened. Tora glanced at the cover: TEAM 10.

Inside was a picture of four individuals. Tora recognized the eldest; he was the smoky man's son, smoky junior. He used to chase Tora when she was younger around the palace, back when he was a guard there. _Hmmm, if he is teaching some, they should be good._ She patted his head, meowing slightly.

"Ah, young Sarutobi Asuma has finally taken a team. He took the new Ino-Shika-Chou team, here they are."

A picture was pulled out, a young boy who she instantly related to. _Ah, he understands to let no one know how smart you are, and also how to enjoy the great moments, like lying in the sun watching the fluffy clouds go by._ A heavy set boy holding a bag of chips, _hmm, crunchy stuff, must take that from him. _And a girl with long pale hair, and a strange glint in her eyes, _Oh, that won't do, she is the type that always tries to speak in a squeaky voice and hold me tight. That one must be avoided._

Tora watched the picture for a bit, and then meowed, scratching at the next file.

"And this would be the tracker team," the next folder saying TEAM 8 was pulled forward.

Tora glanced at the picture and hissed. The first thing she saw was a puppy. _Dogs, I hate dogs._ Hissing once more she turned to study the rest of the picture. She didn't recognize the woman, though she had such interesting wraps, Tora knew she could have fun with those. The girl had those white-eyes, _they always find me, not good! I will have to be careful with this group. _The last was a boy wrapped from head to toe, and wearing shades. A memory surfaced, and Tora purred. _Bugs, yummy bugs…._

Tora studied the picture, except for the dogs, she would like the team, yes the girl had those white eyes that always found her, but unlike the others with them, she looked to be one who would pet and cuddle her. A good one too!

Finally scratching the last folder, she purred softly.

"Ah and here is Kakashi-kun's team. You remember him, yes? 'Course you do, my Tora-chan has perfect memory don't you?"

The folder said: TEAM 7. Inside was a picture that had Tora staring at it in curiosity, head tilted, and her tail flicking in concern? Kakashi-kun still had that look in his eye, as if he was still lost in the past. The girl, although having bright colors, Tora just knew her voice would be grating, and she would pet too hard, once Tora allowed herself to be caught. The dark boy had an aura around him that Tora could feel through the picture. Hissing at the boy and girl, she turned to the last, and her paw shot out to tab his face, and started meowing loudly. _Whisker! Whisker is ninja now. I remember him, my first few trips to the village he was but a baby but so fun to play with. _Looking up at her Pet, she meowed happily, _Whiskers!_

"Ah, he has become a ninja, this will be the first time either of us will have seen him since he was just a toddler. He is adorable still, although I wonder what is up with the bright colors," Madame Shinji passed a finger over the blond boy with whisker marks on his face, "Study him well Tora, I worry so about Minato-kun and Kushina-chan's little boy."

"MEWO!" _Whiskers!_

**{Boo}**

Tora looked at the boy, who looked back at her with sleepy eyes.

"Troublesome," he muttered softly. Sitting down he looked up at the sky before turning back to the cat. "How about a deal, you and I relax here in the sun, until Ino starts screaming, then you get caught and the mission is over?"

Tora sat and tilted her head at the boy, _how interesting._ Meowing softly, she lay down and stretched out on the hill to take a quick cat nap. After all, the boy was right, it was a bright and sunny day, the grass was warm and the soft fluffy things in the sky were hypnotizing. Eventually she fell asleep, the tip of her tail twitching.

Tora woke a little while later to a soft crinkling sound. Tilting her head up, she saw the chubby boy eating the crunchy stuff. Meowing slightly, she got up and walked and sat in front of the boy. Sitting down she gave a wide eyed look at the boy, purring softly. After a moment, the boy passed her a crunchy which she took and started to eat. _Yummm, crunchy…._

"Hey Shikamaru, aren't we supposed to be catching this cat?"

"Troublesome, we wait till Ino starts screaming, that way we only have to do one mission today. "

Nodding, the boy continued to eat his chips, occasionally giving one to the cat.

{boo}

"Shikamaru damn it! Haven't you found that stupid cat yet?" a loud voice came though the device on the neck of the sleeping voice.

He let out a groan, and turned to Tora, Tora tensed her muscles ready to begin chase, when suddenly she noticed a shadow surrounded her.

"Kagemane no Jutsu success, sorry cat, but Ino can be really annoying and trying to catch you is too troublesome," he turned to his friend, who nodded.

"We got the cat Ino, come meet us, Shikamaru has it caught in his shadow."

"Finally!"

{boo}

Tora sat comfortably in the chubby boys arms as the team walked where back to the tower. _Very interesting, the boy is very cat like._ A high compliment from Tora.

**{Boo}**

"STUPID CAT!" "Kiba-kun, be-e-e- careful-l-l-." "This will not end well."

Tora let out a hissing laugh as the three tried to catch her, finding her had been easy, but catching….

{boo}

Tora hissed at the two dogs, as she was cuddled softly in the arms of the white-eyed girl. Soft hands petted her, easing her temper. She glared out of the corner of her eye at the dogs, but the soothing hands made her lazy, and she forgot her ire.

**{Boo}**

Tora walked with purpose, oh yes, she had found her favorite team. They would occasionally spot her, but she would get away again, and their failed attempts to capture her. Suddenly she stopped and looked up in a tree. Running with grace up the tree, she moved along the branch till she sat next to her old friend.

"Hello Tora, are you having fun torturing my team?" said the one-eyed man who smelled of dogs and grief.

"Meow!" Tora gave a soft purr and rubbed against the man's legs.

"If you don't mind, maybe you should let them catch you soon. I know you are enjoying playing with Naruto, but his team will take it out on him if you're not caught soon," Tora meowed again, turning her head to the side. "So, do you think I should let them take a C-Rank? Seeing as you have been at them all day?"

Tora suddenly arched her back, took a light nip at the man, and ran towards an alley. She would wait here for them. The alley was a great place to be caught. She had used it many times. She also knew the man would understand that she approved him taking them out of the village. After all they had entertained her greatly.

{boo}

"No wonder she ran away," Tora heard the voice of the shrill one, and the mumbled agreement of Whiskers.

Meowing loudly, she pretended to be upset as her pet hugged her tightly. But she knew what this meant, her pet wanted to speak to her.

Waiting until they were further away, her pet spoke. "My, my Tora-chan, you must love that team. Do you want them to get a better mission?" Tora purred her agreement. "Then off you go my love!"

Making an attempt to scratch her pet, she was let go and with a loud shriek Tora was out of the Tower.

**{Boo}**

Tora watched from the alley as Whiskers ran towards his home, he had a happy feel to him. It seems Smokey gave him a better mission. She was glad, as she was worried about the boy. He seemed to get along with his team somewhat, but he was so sad.

Seeing him heading into a building, she waited for him to come back out. When he did, she ran to him and climbed up his back.

"What the-"Whiskers stopped when she was in front looking at him. She rubbed her face against his, purred loudly, gave a small lick and was off.

_Have fun Whiskers, see you next time._

**{Boo}**

The girl was giving her an evil glare. Tora ignored it. She should have known better then to grab Tora by her neck scruff. She purred as the girl winced while rubbing a fresh set of scratches on her body. Hearing a tinker of laughter, Tora turned to see her pet watching once again.

"So did you have fun, my Tora-chan?" she asked.

Tora purred again, smirking at the girl glaring at her.

"So, come tell me of the teams," Madame Shinji pulled a file out and showed Tora a picture.

Tora stretched and walked towards the picture and studied it, Team 10. He placed a scratch on the girl, _not ready, _she nosed the chubby boy, _possible, but to soft for now, _and patted her paw on the other. _Oh, he'll do._

"I see, what about this one?"

Tora looked at the new picture. She hissed at the two dogs, and playfully scratched at them, _too young. _She licked the white-eyed girl,_ too soft,_ and stared at the bug-boy,_ not sure._

"Hmm, the girl is the Hyuga heir you know, she is in danger of losing her position. Perhaps she will get stronger, after all they are just genin."

"MEOWWW!" _they need to grow up._

"Now, what about Kakashi-kun's team?"

Tora stared at the picture. This was hard. She first turned to the girl. She hissed and then tapped it, claws out, _NOT as she is, but potential._ She looked at the dark boy and growled, harshly then softly. Looking up at her Pet she tilted her head; _Very worried, he could be dangerous, but he might be salvageable. Watch him._

"What about Naruto-kun?" Madame Shinji softly touched the side of whiskers face.

Tora stared at him, licked his face purring but then suddenly hissed and scratched at him.

"I see," Madame Shinji looked at the picture. "Poor Kakashi-kun, this was not a good team to get was it?" Suddenly picked up Tora looked into the dark wise eyes of her pet, "Thank you my Tora-chan, I am pleased by your observations."

Tora purred, playfully scratched at her face, and then jumped out of her arms to go back to sleep.

Yes, Tora had done her job, after all Cats are the best at finding the right people, and avoiding the wrong. Suddenly she snarled and scratched the hand near her.

"TORA!"

Laughter from her pet as the girl sucked on her wound. _Didn't say you could pet me yet!_

_THE END_

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AN: When I originally posted this my vet decided my cat really is psycho and put her on Kitty Prozac, and she became cutsie. Now she is no more, but will always be remembered!


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